You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
