First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
