I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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