sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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