just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
