20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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