Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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