News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found a bag of teeth...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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