I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
