Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
