Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
