if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
