what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
