They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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