I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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