Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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