I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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