A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
