mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
