I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
