if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
