this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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