She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
