These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize