Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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