he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
