If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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