so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
