So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
try to milk me bitch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
