you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
