Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
