he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
