i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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