Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize