he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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