I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
