Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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