An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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