i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
