i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I touched a dick in church today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
