Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
