But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
