Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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