I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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