I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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