can we get nightvision for the apartment?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
