I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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