Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize