So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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