Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
