i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
