roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
even my farts smell like vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
