just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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