your parents love me but you hate me
You made me cry and you don't even care
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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