I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
