South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
