fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
