I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
