I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
