hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
